RandomThink.net

For the past few weeks, Lisa and I have been trading off on sickness. She had a bad cold, then I got it, and then I severely messed up my back somehow. I wish I knew what I did, but one day it was hurting for no apparent reason, and I didn’t tend to it fast enough. It’s been a couple of weeks, and now as I’m pushing 90% normal, Lisa got fairly sick off of some bad food on Sunday night.

So, on my way home from work on Monday, I stopped by the grocery store, to pick a few things up for Lisa. Gatorade, applesauce, you know — those sorts of things. I’m happy to stop and pick up whatever she needs — after all, she’s my wife, right? I signed up for this sort of things with the “in sickness and in health” line.

While I was perusing the surprising variety in the available applesauces, I overheard a couple of women talking about relationships. The overall gist of it was that neither women agreed to the concept of formal marriage. “After my divorce, I’m telling all my single friends to not bother with marriage. All you need is a companion. That way, when things get yucky, it’s easier to get out.”

The last time I checked, that isn’t exactly how I’d define companionship. Both of the ladies seemed like they believed that the best way to set up a relationship was to ensure that there was a clean getaway in the event that things got “yucky”. Really, it made me quite sad. I mean, sure, if you’re just dating, it’s not to worry, but if you’re seriously committing to someone, being ready to bolt at a moment’s notice isn’t a good way to build a relationship.

Lisa and I don’t have a perfect relationship. I seriously doubt that anybody does. There are always rough times, when things get “yucky”. The real strength of a relationship is being able to communicate well and to work together to get past those yucky parts. It’s not always easy and it’s definitely not fun, but it’s all a part of having a successful relationship.

When we married, we said the standard vows. Just about everyone knows the statements, such as “For better or for worse”, and when I said it, I meant it. Trying to do things like building a back door for a clean getaway, ready to bolt at any problem, really doesn’t engender positive attitudes in the relationship. If I ran at the first real problem we encountered, I would have missed out on many of what have become the best years of my life.

Is that to say that I think divorce is wrong? No — if the relationship is unhealthy for the people, it’s time to end it. My parents are a good example of a relationship that was ready to end. Their relationship didn’t get the love and care it needed to really grow, for as hard as my mom tried at it, and it withered and died. My mom stuck it out for ten years past that point — really, she probably should have gotten a divorce much sooner.

Being a good companion means working at the relationship. It means that you’re in it for the long haul. It means that you devote a lot of care, love, and respect towards the other person. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.